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Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Was discussing about my options of where and how i am going to continue on from this phase of my life with my mum and sis just now...it was ok. At least it forced me to reflect back on what had went wrong...my goals...my future and what i really want out of life. I am confused though and lost now. As during the discussion...my involvement in church came into the picture again.. My mum needs me to spend more time at home...even when it means just sitting at home and stoning or reading a book... she just wants me to spend more time at home instead of always being out of the house or going church. Grggg. But i find no meaning in being in the house when they are occupied with their own stuff too... and has no time for me.. i mean...what's point of being there just for the sake of being there and not really making something out of it. Won't it become materialistic...? When u want something just for the sake of having it and not really because u like it. When u want someone's company just for the sake of it... and not because u love the company. XX is just overly stressed and caught up with the issues of this world...to the extent that it's the world that is controlling her life instead of her planning her own footsteps with her own dremas, ideas and goals. Trying hard to run after and follow up with the world. A few steps slower...and i will be left behind... i have been left behind... and i need the strength, the empowerment to get back to where i was again... but it's just so hard. The odds are high and everything seems to push me backward. I would rather u not give....if u give out of obligation... I need rest...... Criticisms will not push u forward. It will only create detest...even more reluctance... It's teachings and encouragements that will push u forward... It's not really that u are good...it's just that u don't know that u are selfish... Identity crisis.... |
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